Part 4.....Back Down Memory Lane

I couldn’t believe my eyes…..

“How did you get here? I thought everybody was quarantined.” Is all I said.

“I’m Jay-Rock baby. You know I got pull” He was talking to me but he and Rome were giving each other a stare down. It was making me nervous.

“Is everything okay?” I asked basically trying to figure out why he was there without sounding rude.

“You already know I’m good. I tried calling you but your phone was going straight to voicemail so I pulled a couple of strings so I can come check on you. I wanted to make sure you were good.” He said, finally turning his attention towards me. “Didn’t know you had company.” He said, turning his attention back to Rome.

“Yea she good” Rome answered for me. Jay wasted no time.

“I think Shan can answer for herself.” The tension in the apartment was growing by the second.

“Let's talk outside.” I said to Jay slightly, pushing him out the door.”

Jay was hesitant going out the door he wanted to stay inside, he wanted some shit to go down. He and Rome had some unfinished business to handle but I refuse to allow them to handle that shit today. NOT TODAY!

We stepped in the hallway of my apartment building.

“What’s really going on Jay?” I got straight to the point.

“What do you mean? I just told you what’s really going on.”

“Your phone was going straight to voicemail but I guess I see why. You blocked me cause you back with that bum.” He said loudly

“Shhhhhhhh” I said in attempts to get him to speak softer so Rome wouldnt hear him. “Look Jay I know you and Rome don't get along but can you please choose another time to start some shit with him. At least wait until after the Pandemic is over.” Jay had a hard head but he had a soft spot for me.

“You’re not blocked. My phone is broke. I threw it at the wall the 1st day of this law enforced stay at home order.” I said.

“Yall fighting already?” He asked. “Did he put his hands on you?” He was ready to trip.

“No.” I Stopped him " He didn't put his hands on me but you did. Remember?”

The moment those words parted my lips they pierced his soul.

“That was hurtful. But I deserve it.” He said right before excusing himself and stepping aside to handle a call with his manager.

He was such a man for admitting he deserved the emotional abuse I just projected onto him. As he handled his phone call I admired him and my thoughts traveled back down memory lane.

I met Jay Rock in College during spring break. He was with his boys, I was with my roommates. We were in South Beach, Miami Florida on Collins Ave. We were walking in opposite directions. I spotted him immediately. They were in a group of 8. We were in a group of 6. They were all flashy and fine. And so were we. Except I was the least flashy out of the girls I was with. He was the flashiest of his boys. He led the group, walking in front of everybody. I was the one hiding behind all my half naked friends. Jasmine Bleu was one of my roommates. She was the one walking ahead of us all. As they approached us we all started whispering figuring who would get who. Everyone except me of course. I knew I wouldn't be any of their type. I was quiet and cute. My friends were fine and freaky. They all had on booty shorts and mini skirts and then there was me with a sundress on. Jay was wearing a black V-neck, black shorts, black Louboutons, a Gucci belt, dark Gucci shades, a platinum necklace, and a matching bracelet. He looked like money. Way too intimidating for my taste. In fact, they all were. I stood off to the side while Jas took the lead and the other girls followed her. She went straight for Jay. I chuckled at how predictable she was as I sipped on my drink I made back at the hotel but carried with me while we strolled Collins Ave. I was chilling by myself taking in the scenery as Jasmine suddenly started walking over to me with a disturbed look on her face. Confused, I asked “What happened?” She looked kind of disgusted when she answered “He wants you.” I looked over her shoulders at Jay who was grinning and signaling me to come over and talk to him. “No girl I can't do that.” I said refusing to betray her, but also refusing to walk over to any man who claims to be interested in me. He had two feet just as well as I did. “Girl if you don’t go over there I will drag you over there. Do you see how fine he is?? And he got moneyyyyy” She was talking through clenched teeth so he wouldn't hear her but she had no idea that he’d already walked u[ behind her and heard what she said. “I’m sorry that was rude for me to ask you to come over to me.” he said, making his presence known to Jasmine who now looked embarrassed and quickly scurried away leaving me there alone with a sexy, well dressed, piece of chocolate. Jay was short but taller than me, he was stocky, built very fit, and smelled like money. His teeth were perfect and pearly white. So white that I was embarrassed to open my mouth and show my crooked regular teeth. He invited me out to a club that night. I accepted the invitation but had no real plans on showing up. I had no desire to pursue anything further than that conversation on Collins Avenue that day with Jay Rock. But my friends wanted parts of an invitation that was extended to me so they paid me $50 a peace to go out to the club with him and his friends that night. And money talks so of course I went.

To my surprise I was courted with pure chivalry the entire night. Picked up by luxury car service, skipped the line, had a whole VIP section with bottle service all night. It was only midnight and I already felt like I was wifey. Only issue was, he was nowhere to be found. Although I knew it all had to be too good to be true I still felt a little slighted by 12:30 when I noticed he obviously had no plans on showing up. Jasmine kept trying to make me feel better by reminding me at least I got paid for coming out. “Niggas aint shit anyway” she kept repeating. Deep down inside I knew she was happy especially since she wanted him and he chose me over her. She hated to lose, especially when it involved a guy. Right as I started to gather my things and sneak out on my friends to head back to the hotel and forget about the whole day. The DJ introduced the performer of the night which was a very popular local artist. To my surprise it was Jay Rock. He jumped on stage with his whole entourage, rocked the crowd for about 3 songs and dedicated his last to a special “Someone” in the building that night. I smiled immediately, he looked over at our VIP section and winked at me. Jasmine looked like she wanted to kill us both. We left together that night. And the rest was history.

Jay-Rock was my best friend and lover for 3 years. He was so sweet, caring and loving. I found out early in our relationship that rapping was just a hobby for him. Boxing was his passion and one true love. That was until he fell in love with me. 6 months after we got together. He moved to Baltimore to be closer to me. One year later he rented a spot in Pittsburgh for us to share. But it was hard for us to spend any time together with him having such a busy career and me being in college and chasing my own dreams. The higher his career skyrocketed the more groupies he attracted. It was my choice to keep our relationship between us. I never wanted to go public because I didn't want the bullshit that comes along with it. I was cool with being his secret until the disrespect started. He would ignore my calls all night and I would wake up to post on blog sites of videos of him at parties with strippers doing foul shit. We would argue about it over text but he wold never come home to face me. I started to feel like I was just a background love for him. Something to do when he has nothing to do which was almost NEVER. He hated that I felt that way but he loved his lifestyle more. I just wasn’t born for the spotlight. I’m a simple girl and I didn’t have the strength or time to try and keep up with the bad bitches he seemed to attract. I needed to be wanted by someone who was just as plain as me. That’s when I met Rome. I hadn’t officially broken up with Jay when Rome and I started messing around. I hadn’t seen Jay in months when he popped up at the house he rented for us but ended up buying mine because he was never there. He walked in literally seconds after Rome hopped in an Uber and left. I was still naked, still laying in our wet spot, drenched in sweat and sex scent. There was nothing I could say to cover up what was apparent. When Rome walked in the room and witnessed the scene, I can see the pain rapidly develop in his eyes. He didn't say a single word. He just started crying. I did too. I didn't know what to do. So I got up, walked my naked ass over to hug him while still drenched in sex I had with another man, and he hit me.

Knocked my lights out! He instantly regretted He snapped back into reality. He was scared shit less. My jaw swelled immediately! Looked like a small head was growing out of my face. I couldn't even cry. I somehow lost my breath. He called the ambulance and the police came with them. I never said a word to them. I couldn't it hurt to even breath. He told on himself. They locked him up that night but he was released on bond the next day. Came straight to find me but I wasn't there. I was with Rome. I spent weeks at his house. He nursed me back to health. Physically and Spiritually. I never went to court to press charges on Jay. I just wanted to pretend like he never existed. Once my jaw healed it was easy for me to do so. Rome made it easy. That was almost 6 years ago. As time passed, Jay became non-existent to me until two months ago. I ran into him at the building of the law firm I work at. He was going to a music studio on the 9th floor of the building. We exchanged numbers, and met up later that day over coffee to catch up. We started the conversation off casually but soon enough we dug into the unspoken. I filled him in on Rome and I’s relationship. Told him about how he left me after proposing to me. He also filled me in on his life after I left him. He and Jasmine Bleu apparently had a fling. But it didn't last because she just wasn't me. He apologized for putting his hands on me, thanked me for not pressing charges. He told me he quit boxing all together after hitting me. Said every time he stepped in the ring after that day, it would bring back memories of his fist connecting with my face and he couldn't keep living through it. So he gave up on the one thing he loved the most out of respect for the one woman he will ever love. Those were his exact words. After having my heart torn into pieces by Rome hearing those words from Jay actually warmed my heart. I enjoyed our conversation that day. That was 2 months ago. We parted ways and stayed connected through text every now and then. We rebuilt a friendship but we never rekindled our sex life. Contrary to what Rome believes, the baby I’m carrying does not belong to my ex Jay-Rock.

2 Be Continued…..

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